i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
