Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
