Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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