OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
