just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
