How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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