garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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