the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
