I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
