what day is it and did you see me today?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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