ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
