my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
