oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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