I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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