I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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