Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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