If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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