i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and she was petting her beer can
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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