The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
