Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
