If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
