i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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