btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
