you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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