I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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