White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
