Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
