Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
