So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
