every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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