Already got asked if we're dating
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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