so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
