he thought i was a dude.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then he peed in my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
