Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
