But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
