I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
