I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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