we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
