you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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