; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
