Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
