Im at strip club and am horny
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pants are for mortals
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
