I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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