all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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