I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
