I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i would punch a child for taco bell
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
