Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
