I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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