talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
