So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
