Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
