none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
