Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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